Harry is an odd boy
by w h i t e . s t i l e t t o
Summary: This is the strangest story you will ever read. Nothing but humour! Harry wakes up, and we discover an unnatural fascination with curtains. Dumbledore loves polar bears and Hermione turns into Nancy Drew!


**Harry is an Odd Boy**

A/N I haven't written anything lately, so I edited this old story I wrote about a couple of years ago. Some of the jokes were pretty lame, and I removed most of them, but some of them are lame and funny.

**Chapter 1** (_If I write another chapter_)

It's early on a Saturday morning, and Harry Potter is sleeping soundly. That is, until he's woken up by a Rooster cock-a-doodle-dooing (Hey that's a really fun word to type!)

It took him a moment to realize that there could not possible be a Rooster on the Hogwarts grounds. Mainly because Snape had turned into a bird-obsessed-but-not-in-a-bird-watching-type-way person, and birds were actually not allowed at school. So what was it?

All of a sudden Harry realized that if he opens his eyes, he might be able to see what it was. Internally applauding himself, he opened his eyes, only to spot a giant rooster shaped clock less that two millimetres in front of his eyes.

'Do you like my new clock? Do you? Do you like it? It's an alarm clock! The alarm goes off, at the time that I tell it to go off. Well, not really tell, because, you know, I can talk to a clock. Well, I can, but it wouldn't hear me. Wouldn't that be cool if it could, though? I mean, really really cool! Like, super- dooper cool? Like so cool, that it was an explosion of coolness! Like BANG! And all the coolness exploded! And this button, you press it and something happens and then you can do anoth-'

Harry smushed a pillow into Neville Longbottom's face. He groaned, wiped some sleep out of his eyes, then groaned some more.

'Harry, stop humping the curtain and go back to bed,' Ron mumbled.

'I told you I was going to stop after that window- washer incident!'

Harry decided that Neville was dead enough, although he was very much alive, and went to have his shower. Where, I do not know. Then he put on some normal clothes and walked out to the common room.

There he was greeted by Hermione, who was solving 3 Nancy Drew type mysteries, reading a book _(How to be a Parslemouth in 7 easy steps!)_ and pashing stuff. They were guys, unless you thought any different.

Harry spotted Neville standing a corner, telling Ron Weasley all about his Rooster alarm clock. He stayed away from that corner.

Down in the great hall, Professor Lupin was combing that moustache of his that looked a lot like a bit of grease applied to his face in a very sneaky way. Professor Snape had something in his hands that looked suspiciously like a pigeon figurine.

Suddenly Dumbledore stood up and raised his arm for quiet. 'It has come to my attention that a lot of Hogwarts students are attending each and every of their classes. I **will not** stand for this. I want you all to attend a maximum of one class per week. Free the Panda bears! Don't hurt me, man!'

Everyone looked at their friends, somewhat disturbed by his display of affection towards the Pandas. All of a sudden Professor Squirrel ran through the isle, screaming 'OOOOOWWWWWWLLLL IN THE DUNGEONS!' No one pay any attention, though, as they all thought that Professor Squirrel was a really, really, really bad imitation. They couldn't really put their finger on what, though.

Harry was thoroughly enjoying himself when he realized that it was time to get to class. Coincidently, it was Potions. Ever since Snape's obsession with birds kicked in, or was made public, Potions had become a full-on hour and a half jam packed with useless facts about birds, and any bird related information that might be useful. Not to the students, but to someone. This lesson included Love Potion making, but, as Hermione pointed out, it wasn't the Love Potion that they had made before. It was a bird and Dumbledore only Love Potion.

When they were let out, Harry discovered a shopping trolley that was in the Hogwarts Supermarket. _(Charm it to get a Galleon off!) _Harry climbed into and asked Nearly Headless Nick to push him. Nick had a sweet spot for Hermione, and hoped to be able to give it to her. He also liked her. He thought that if she saw him pushing Harry with his big, sexy, muscled, gorgeous, strong, manly arms, she might fall in love with him. Then they could get married and have babies! Fun!

Harry jumped out of the trolley, in a very majestic, ballerina-type way, and glided outside, because it was time for his annual Dandee Lion picking day. But the Dandee Lions didn't want to be picked, so they gave Harry some sleeping drugs and he went to sleep.

And he snored.

A/N That was soooo weird. I'm not really sure if it was really that funny. Let me know. That mean you have to review. YAY!

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Thank you and goodnight,

RadioactiveEyeShadow


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